Since my divorce last year I have dated quite a bit. Looking back, I think a lot of the reasons for dating were not always in a quest to find someone new to be with. . . but more to fill the void that was missing. I cringe to think of the unfairness of what I was doing and the people I hurt in the process. I can only say sorry.
Being married to my ex was very difficult at times but there was also a feeling of partnership that is very difficult to fill with friends and family alone. The women that have come in and out of my life have each taught me different things and I think back to them all as stepping stones that have brought me to where I am now. There were a lot of things that I have blamed on my ex that ended up being personal flaws in the way I treat relationships. Loyalty, priorities, parenting, focus, time management etc. All things that appear so easy for others, for some reason are difficult for me to remain consistent with.
I met a really wonderful woman a few months back that has probably helped me the most. She is a Social Worker so I think that gives her a vocabulary and perspective that others I have had relationships with in the past may not have had. I’m able to see things a bit more clearly now. My ability to work, focus, and just enjoy life is slowly coming back. I don’t think there is any way I’ll be able to fully erase all the pain and anguish surrounding my divorce and all the turmoil that caused to my daughter and I, but this at least feels like a chance at a fresh start. Something I think I can be good at. A partnership where things feel natural instead of forced. Where loyalties are not in constant question and where our faults can be discussed and worked on openly.
This beautiful woman has agreed to marry me. We don’t have a date set yet but I am so so happy that she has agreed to step into my life as a partner and I am going to step up to the plate so that we can have a long happy life together.